​by Coco.

​I think the common misconception about me is that I “fit in”. Being social doesn’t mean you fit in anywhere. I don’t know how to best explain this but fitting in is the least of my worries. However, I’ve always wanted to be a part of a gay tribe. Gay Tribes (mostly used on Grindr) could include: Bear, Clean-Cut, Daddy, Discreet, Geek, Jock, Leather, Otter, Poz, Rugged, Trans, and Twink. I thought those were pretty cool, but I never fit in there either. I’m a drag queen, and that’s my tribe.

I was going through Instagram and seeing handsome burly men (known as bears) who are being body positive and living their truth. Me on the other hand, I guess I’ve always seen myself as a bear even though others never really saw me as that. I never had a problem dating bigger men, but bigger men had a problem dating me. I remember thinking that this couldn’t be the way it works. If I did have someone be interested in me, it was like it was because they had some sort of fetish toward black men. Ultimately it left me feeling very alone and isolated. Never in a million years did I think i'd find love or happiness that stemmed from love. I'm a believer in that you shouldn't find someone who completes you. That's to much work for another person to fix you. You should find someone who helps you and brightens your already complete circle. Being in love is like hearing your favorite song again for the first time. When you find someone who takes the times to hear your song it can honestly mean everything. 

​Today I’ve found a partner who accepts all of me. It’s the best feeling to know I matter to another individual who doesn’t just seem my size, race or flaws. I think we all just want to fit in. . . I just happened to fit in with the man that loves and a gaggle of gays who play dress up. 

by Donatella.

​As an entertainer from a much smaller metropolitan area than most, it is super easy to get discouraged with the craft and to lose passion. I have to admit that in recent months I contemplated giving up drag all together.

Between feeling it hindered my ability to date and also feeling like no matter how hard I worked at it I’d just been seen as that amateur local queen that I was four years ago when I started, I thought maybe it was time to hang up the wigs and move on to a dragless chapter of my life.
But then something happened. I began to focus on the positives more, and I started accepting the praise that I was getting rather than focusing on negativity. I also quit making drag just a feel good party, it became a job for me and I started taking it seriously. I really do think it’s shown in my looks, and with the help of my closest friends I’ve been able to make the artistic concepts in my head become a reality.

So with that, I really want to thank all of you who have supported me and believed in me over the years. Your positive words mean so much to me and they inspire me to be the best queen I can be.
​
❌⭕️❌⭕️
Donatella

My friend, Natalie Symone, posted a video about code switching so I thought I’d talk about that. Code switching the practice of alternating between two or more languages or varieties of language in conversation.
​
This is VERY true for gay culture. This is especially true for drag queen culture. There isn’t even a time when we hear male pronouns if you have to many queens together. The worlds are flamboyant and jovial. It’s a celebration of the things society tries to tell us are lesser. . .like women. We all know we are powerful, kind and strong, but in gay circles, they are idolized.
 
I had an incident a few months ago where I was code switching at a work function. Since I perform in drag, people tend to know only a certain side of me. Coco and Jon are practically the same but different in presentation. I don’t mind being the center of attention, however, when you happen to catch a friend outside your circle it can be a little traumatizing for your brain. My co-worker even asked me if I had dated that person because of how friendly we acted. We hadn’t, but it’s just a different kind of attitude all around.
 
Trust and believe. 

by Coco
​
People say that the country came together when we landed on the moon. People also say that we came together as a nation after 9/11. There's a oneness that happens with things in a society are so rough that you have no choice but to be kind to your fellow man.

When the Pulse shooting happened, it was one of the most devastating events to ever reach the gay community. Even though marriage equality has finally become a reality and certain communities were seen as more accepting, we had a terrible event that changed everything. Though, when you think about it, black-lives-matter is another group in its infancy because of the mistakes of selected individuals.

So, why didn't the nation come together after Pulse?

Because WE changed.

We changed in a way that would come to haunt us. Social media gave us the ability to know about this tragedy, just as much as it provided us the distractions to move forward. We had a presidential election on the horizon and we were more concerned about locker room talk then the lives of our fellow Americans. We wanted to believe in the excuse that it was all about Isis. We also wanted to believe that our straight friends who chose to ignore this horrible event by sharing a meme involving a cat instead of the horrific events that cut us so deeply was their way of wanting to respectfully move forward. In reality, it was there way of telling us that our tragedy, was not THEIR tragedy.

We need to do better in a way that allows us to mourn on a global level while making a promise to do right by each other no matter what it takes. It's very hard to check our own privileges and recognize that ever second of every day there are people who would die for a drop of the privilege we may blindly carry. Our neighbors all have different struggles and we need to understand that. Pulse may have been the most devastating thing to happen to the gay community in many years. Lets at least try to learn from it. Lets try to not forget it.

​How about we stop trying to move forward, and actually take more then a day to remember.

by Coco
​
The supreme court of the United States (SCOTUS) ruled in favor of the bake shop who denied a gay couple a wedding cake. This ruling has sparked a dialogue that most gays have feared. . .can we make laws granting discrimination?

Well, Coco, it’s not fair to force a business to go against their beliefs in. . .

SHHH.

Let’s talk about morality for a second. We all have morals. We all have values. We all have beliefs, but in no way does that mean we can deliberately treat people as lesser. In a world that is already so divided, how can you become another reason that makes the world difficult for your fellow man. Being kind to someone doesn’t deny you access into the fictional heaven. I’m pretty sure that if God were real, and then you died, he wouldn’t be like, “Suzy, I see you made a cake for a gay couple. I sentence you to hell for all eternity”. Like, can we all agree how ridiculous that sounds?

What makes this conversation more difficult is that there seems to be a line of reasoning that falls somewhere in the middle for some of these conservatives that is damaging to mankind. What I mean by that is there is so little wiggle room for their morality, but some of their morality comes at the cost to people’s lives and well-being. Some of the same people who talk about denying the rights to homosexuals, also talk about granting to gun rights to everyone. We’ve had so many school shootings this year, it’s literally safer to join the military then it is to attend public school. What’s happening in our country?

So often we are trying to solve the answers to life’s touch questions, but is life even supposed to be a question? Maybe some of it, but human rights already have an answer. White, Christian cis-het males have the epitome of the most power in the world and fail to see the answer to human rights. If you need it clearly stated, the answer to human rights is: There should be human rights that are fairly given to every person regardless of identifiers.

“Coco, are you saying I should treat a pedophile better than I treat a firefighter”

No, I’m saying the line, “better than” shouldn’t be used in determining how we interact with one another. Because “better than” is just code for “less than”.

Ambien doesn’t make someone racist and being white doesn’t make you innocent.

Being gay doesn’t make you a burden and being straight doesn’t make you normal.

If we learn to live and preach kindness, it will change the world for the better. It starts with recognizing our own biases and the damages that those biases have on the world. No one said acceptance is easy, but it shouldn’t be the default for how we treat those who are probably trying to make it in life without any of our “differences” being seen as anything but just a simple difference. 

by Coco
​
I’ve been thinking a lot more about black criminality. So, black criminality is the idea that black people are perceived as criminals, untrustworthy, and liars. This perception leads bosses, co-workers, strangers to act harshly towards them versus other people in everyday situations. For example, a co-worker of yours is caught stealing $10.00 for which he later returned to the till. However, since it was caught on camera, he was reprimanded for borrowing the money even jut for a little while. This co-worker was white. Then you, a person of color, takes two $10 dollar bills from the till and puts it into your wallet. You then put $20.00 back in to the register five minutes later. Your manager sees you take the two bills, but instead of getting reprimanded, you get fired. You tell your boss that your other co-worker didn’t get fired. Your boss will say that every incident is different, and he is not allowed to discuss other employees with you. You start to take a count of what makes your case different than your white co-workers. It’s true, you don’t know ALL the details of the other case. It could be he needed the money to buy medicine because he was sick. You start feeling bad. However, you then question the other employee and realize his case we just handled different then yours. You realize slowly that you were just treated differently. Which is unfair, but the store can do what they want. If you fought it, you know you’d lose. You realize, you’ve been another victim of Black Criminality.

Black Criminality is dangerous because it directly affects your well being and it’s hard to fight. It’s those cases of getting thrown in jail for stealing a candy bar. You stole the candy bar, so you did something wrong. . .but most other people are not punished so harshly. “What? So, everyone should get through in jail for stealing a candy bar?”. Of course not, it just needs to be fair and not based on race. All we can do as people is expose it for what it is, and hope people recognize and acknowledge when it’s happening. Black Criminality is a disease and it (for a lack of better term) is easily refuted. Why? Because even if statistics show it exists, the crime is still a crime. Employers, friends, law enforcement, are ALLOWED to use the full force of the rules to reprimand you, just as much as they’re allowed to lessen it for others.

​How do we fix it?

We need people to see it, believe it, and change it. Check our own bias. Is there a moment in your life where in your position of power you’ve treated someone a lot different than the person standing next to them? This is different than, “life is not fair”. This is also different than, “when it rains it pours”. We also need to stop calling the police on black people for doing nothing. We really do. It’s disgusting. It’s ridiculous and it reinforces black criminality.

I, myself, have personally been trying to figure out if a situation that has happened recently is because of Black Criminality. It’s easy to say that “because-of-whose-involved” that it cannot be Black Criminality. I live in a place that is SO WHITE. Which isn’t a negative most of time. However, I can’t help but wonder if the diet racism that exists here in this valley has the ability to protect those who unknowingly oppress the people they so adamantly swear they protect.

​I wonder. . .

It’s weird. Sometimes I really believe that I’m getting ahead. I work hard and I try to learn as much as I can about drag while practicing new techniques. Sometimes I succeed and other times I fail as one would do with any kind of job or career.

Recently I I learned about even more folks who consistently try and bring me down. It gets tiring. Really tiring, but I know where I stand.

The reason I’m writing this is because I’m going to leave the negativity right here and erase it from everyday. I don’t need it and I sure as hell don’t thrive off of it!

I’ve had this conversation a few times so this isn’t directed at any one person:
Them: So I have a confession. . .
Me: yes?
Them: So I regret my decision in voting for Trump (or I regret not voting for Hillary)
Me: okay. Why?
Them: Trump is an idiot (or moron)
Me: he was an idiot during the election
Them: Yeah, but his promises to fix the economy
Me: how can an idiot fix the economy?
Them: I just figured because he was a businessman. . .
Me: No. . .
Them: well I, just. . .
Me: Didn’t want to vote for Hillary, which was your choice an as American. But this wasn’t the time for a protest vote. This wasn’t a time for you to feel like an entitled millennial who wanted to try and vote for a third party. This wasn’t the time for you to pretend that your morality was more important then the literal rights of your fellow man. But apparently, it was the time for you to invest in an idiot, (or invest in a third party) and we are paying for it. He was an idiot now, and an idiot then. . .I’m glad you’ve come around but make sure you vote him out in the next election because your regret does nothing for our country.
Them: this is why I hate the two-party. . .
Me: and this wasn’t the time for you to take a stand against it.