Gosh, you and Addam seem so perfect, do you like ever fight?
Yeah, we do. However, that’s the kind of stuff that doesn’t really belong on the internet. It’s personal to you and your partner. Sharing your love with others is one thing, but you should never share hatred or toxicity online. That doesn’t breed anything except more negativity. If that’s your goal, more power to you. However, just to even out all my “lovey-dovey” stuff I thought I’d share a couple things I’ve learned about arguing with your partner by proving a few examples of how Addam and I handle arguments.
I want to preface this by saying that I’ve learned a lot about arguments from past relationships. There truly is a difference between domestic violence (DV) and disagreements. You’re allowed to disagree with your partner. It’s how you handle that disagreements that will decide the future course of your relationship. We’re all individuals with our own minds and we are not going to always agree on everything.
Yesterday, Addam had just gotten off work and I took a picture of him because he looked so handsome in his work clothes. I then laid on his stomach:
Addam: I’ve been thinking that I really want us to do something I enjoy for a change.
(Keep in mind, this has already started an argument in my head)
Me: We can do whatever you want you just never suggest anything.
Addam: Well someone asked me what I like to do and I didn’t have an answer. It was mostly stuff that revolves around your life.
Me: That’s because we’re in entertainment and we’re trying to make me famous. However that’s not all the stuff we do.
Addam: Well we go to movies and bars, but that’s mostly stuff you like to do, event though I enjoy doing it with you.
Me: What do you want to do, or like to do.
Addam: I like when we watch Netflix together, and it seems like we’re so busy that we don’t have time to do that.
Me: We do that pretty regularly.
Addam: Yeah, but not as much as we used to.
*Addam gets up and walks away, giving me a moment to think, it’s always good to hear what the other person has said and respond accordingly taking into count one another’s feelings and making sure not to “RIGHT” fight*
Me: You know, you do a lot of the things you like to do pretty much regularly. (The reason I know this is because I’m a third-party looking in). You play a lot of video games.
Addam: That’s true.
Me: You’ve also been configuring you new computer for the last few days.
Addam: Yeah, thank you for that by-the-way.
Me: You’ve also shown a real interest in sewing costumes.
Addam: You’re right, I really like doing that.
Me: You have plenty of things you like to do, they are just not couple things.
Addam: I guess that’s the problem.
Me: Would you want me to play video games with you more often.
Addam: But you didn’t like video games (a comment made to spark an argument).
Me: I like video games, I just don’t have time. When I’m playing video games I’m thinking about mixes, or cleaning house, or new costumes, or driving for Uber to make a little extra cash.
Addam: Yeah, I understand.
Me: We just need to start making sure we reserve time for us, that’s for us.
It’s very easy to forgive someone when both parties are being heard. My relationship isn’t perfect but it’s damn near close to it. I have a person who is invested in my dreams just as much as I’m invested in there’s and we are making shared goals along the way to meet one another. It’s a balance, NOT a compromise. A compromise implies loss. Balance implies complimentary behaviors.
Also, it’s very much okay to think about why you’re upset before acting like a crazy person. When the negative side of your relationship emerges it’s never good to be reactionary. Think about it. Understand why you’re upset. Process your emotions and proceed. Your feelings are valid as long as you take a moment to understand why you’re feelings them, and if they are irrational, express that.
Me: It pisses me off when straight men flirt with you to piss me off
Addam: That’s ridiculous
Me: It may be, but it makes me uncomfortable when you indulge in their behavior, especially since some of them are just closeted and will probably never come out, so they use you to get their “fix”
Addam: I understand, I should be more respectful of our relationship and your feelings
Me: and I’ll try to be a little less jealous.
I don’t know if this will help anyone out there, but I thought I’d share that being part of this love story has ups and downs, but it’s all insanely worth it.