This will be kind of offensive to women, but in being bi-gendered I wanted to share my experiences with something that has anti-feminist written all over it. (Yes it’s a long post by maybe it’s worth the read)
First off definition: Bigender is a gender identity that falls under the non-binary umbrella. To identify as bigender generally means you identify as two genders. You could identify as both at the same time. You can go back and forth between two genders.
When I'm dressed in drag, and primarily because I play in the fish (look as much like a real girl) arena, I like to feel sexy. I like to show a lot of leg in 4 inch heels, pad my butt really big, have long hair that flows over my shoulders and make hoe-ish type comments because it makes me feel sexy. I feel empowered as a woman owning my sexiness and being sexy. I like to continually look lustful and do everything I can to hold myself with a little class, but look like I'd be a freak in the sheets.
Here's the thing: I don't want to have sex as a woman. Not because I'm in drag or whatever, but I want to feel sexy, but not for the reward of sex. I want to be lustful without actually finding a place to unleash that lust. I want to be desired and hear sexual offers, but never act on them. To be honest I think it's something straight men fear. I'm offering all of the sexiness, but I'm not doing it for anyone but me. Men make comments about, "well you're dressed like that" or "I thought you were interested". Well yeah, I'm interested in the attention but not what that intention implies.
I walk around like I'm about to give it up, but to give it up is THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY MIND. 1. I'm married, but if I weren’t (which is the real reason) I'm not putting my business out there for you. I'm doing it for me, because I feel empowered using my body however I want.
As a guy, it's completely different. For me, to feel like I'm the hottest thing on two legs, it does feel like I'm supposed to seal the deal. To dress handsome makes me feel good, but it's like I need outward validation to feel like I'm actually handsome. I need people to want to sleep with me, and really make that offer to feel like what I'm presenting is worth something. Even though I have an incredible amount of self-esteem and I don't have body dysmorphia, I do feel like, as a man, I can only boost myself so far. I need others to agree with my presentation to make it mean anything. Which is weird, and society uses terms like, douche, tool, asshole, and jerk to describe men who don’t need outward validation. So to be a functioning handsome man in society, you need (typically) a woman’s approval and self-confidence to be considered attractive.
I guess what I'm saying by this is it kind of makes sense why men are confused when women who put all there business out there are really quick to reject someone (because they have the power to be sexy, without the validation), and how women are confused by men who seem too quick to try and seal the deal.
Side note: I don’t ever feel horny as a woman and when I do, it’s different, it’s like I want romance but as a man it’s more primal.
As someone who lives in the bi-gender realm, I have trouble reconciling these polar opposites, but at least I'm beginning to understand it.